The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships, and the quality of your relationships depends on you. How do you create solid, authentic relationships at home, at work and in your community? By being a person of quality yourself.

Quality depends on 3 factors – your attitude, your willingness to strive and your ability to accept people for who they are, while showing your authentic self at all times.

How You Are is Who You Are

Attitude is born from our view of the world, and rose-colored glasses aren’t necessary to see experiences from a positive standpoint. Life can be challenging at times, and when we focus on the minutiae of our troubles we can lose sight of our bigger purpose, missing out on the lessons that challenges naturally present. Just as you can enhance the joy in your life by being joyful, you can also enhance the pleasure in your life by being pleasant. It’s all a matter of choice.

You actually are in control of your life, though it takes practice to develop a real belief in that fact. You can become known as a person who is cheerful, helpful and thoughtful by simply deciding to be that way when you open your eyes in the morning. Don’t believe me? Try this: Put a notebook and pen beside your bed tonight. Tomorrow morning, as soon as you wake up, write a declaration. Affirm, in your own words, that you will do 3 things differently for the entire day. For example, you could write that you will greet every single person who crosses your path with a genuine smile, willingly offer to help anyone who looks like they could use it, and brush off comments and behaviors that would normally irritate you.

This practice takes a concerted effort and can make a world of difference in how your day turns out. You have to do more than just write the affirmation, though. You have to commit to following through by doing those 3 things all day long. At the end of the day, jot down a few notes about how you felt, how challenging or easy it was, changes you noticed, and how committed you are to keeping each of those behaviors up. The next day, write 3 more declarations.

Aim High

Another way to enhance your relationships is to raise your standards. You can begin by amplifying your expectations of yourself, and then let that new standard trickle into your other dealings – with people you know as well as those with whom you unintentionally cross paths on a daily basis.

Our general standards as a society have lowered because we’ve allowed them to. Not wanting to rock the boat, we don’t say anything when we hear others speaking offensively, turn the other cheek when we see others show up for work looking like they just rolled out of bed, and allow frustrated people to get away with driving maniacally on our roads. Schools, places of worship and political forums are not immune; our tolerance for disrespect has hit an all-time high.

So what can you do about it? Find your voice and change your actions. The trick is to speak up with diplomacy and lead by example. Show people how you wish to be treated by treating others well, and lead towards a new level of professionalism by demonstrating quality in everything that you do. When you go to work, look like you mean business. When you’re on the road, drive as though your life depends on your safe arrival. And even in casual conversation, stay away from obscenities, gossip and other inappropriate and unnecessary language.

Let It Be

It’s natural to want to see the people we love succeed, because we can so often see potential that they can’t see in themselves. But that doesn’t mean we have the right to cut them down and criticize every move they make if it isn’t in alignment with what we think they should be doing. Everyone deserves an opportunity to figure things out their own way and in their own time.

A common problem in today’s relationships is that we meet people whose company we enjoy, develop a close relationship with them, and then allow the characteristics that drew us to them in the first place to become quirks that drive us crazy. When someone’s impish grin morphs into a permanent smirk, it’s usually because we’ve changed, not them.

Let people be themselves. A friend of mine was recently bemoaning the fact that her husband, who loves a bowl of ice cream every night, always leaves the dirty spoon on the counter, even though he puts the bowl in the dishwasher. Each morning when she saw that spoon she would get more and more annoyed, and for years she frustratingly put it in the dishwasher, grumbling all the while. This was becoming a big deal for her, until I said, “I bet you’d miss seeing that spoon if he was gone.” In that moment it hit her – the spoon on the counter represents the man she loves. Him leaving it there is an endearing symbol of his personality. If she continues to complain about the spoon, she realized, she’ll be compromising something special between them, and it’s simply not worth it. Now she sees the spoon through the eyes of love.

Every one of us has qualities that make us unique, and how we choose to view those qualities is what makes our relationships unique. By choosing to be yourself, aiming high and letting things be, you can add more quality – and character – to your relationships.

Sue Jacques is The Civility CEO™, an executive consultant who helps individuals & businesses gain confidence, earn respect and create courteous corporate cultures.

www.TheCivilityCEO.com

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©Copyright 2012 Sue Jacques ~ The Civility CEO™. All rights reserved. You are welcome to copy, quote or share as long as the content is intact and the writer is credited. Thank you!